A Fridgeling
by Swimmingly Yours
Summary: Frodo is prepared to go to any measures to win over his museli bar wrapper's heart, even when this involves flirting with a pole with a really bad pick-up line. A must-read. 9 of A Series of Random Events. Co-written with happy molecule


Co-written with** happy molecule **as usual, this is another part of our series. I'm sorry, but I really couldn't be bothered with the italics thing today… not that you really need it. My bits are always so much more sane.

*I don't own the characters. I own the depressing story I put them in. I want Aragorn…*

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**A Fridge-ling**

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake," said Frodo to the wrapper of the museli bar sitting on the table before him.

"I love you too honey," the wrapper replied. "But like I said before, it just won't work out."

Frodo sighed. It was hopeless. He didn't match the wrapper. He was short, and had a very stumpy and fat neck. How could it ever love a creature like him?

But suddenly… An idea came to him. 

"But what if I was different?" he asked the wrapper. "What if I was an… elfling?!"

"That could work…" the wrapper mused. And before the wrapper could say another word, Frodo jumped up from the table and was seen running towards Rivendell.

***

"You want to become an elfling?!" Arwen asked incredulously.

"Yeah."

"But that's impossible! You can't just MAKE someone into an elfling!"

"Why not? You did it to Elderion!"

"He IS an elfling!"

"No he's not."

"Yes he is! He's my son, for crying out loud!"

"Sure he is," Frodo nodded knowingly.

"Look, Frodo," Arwen said, "You can't just turn up here and become an elfling! It doesn't work that way!"

"Oh, I think it does…" Frodo really wanted to become an elfling. He was determined to win his wrapper's heart (if it had one).

"Okay, FINE," replied Arwen. "Let me see if you're worthy of becoming an elfling." She picked up a clipboard. "Can you shoot with a bow and arrow?"

"No, but I can cook."

"Do you have pointy ears?"

"No, but I have a fat neck."

"Do you have a sexy sexy body?"

"No, but I have hairy toes."

"Close enough."

Arwen made some notes on her clipboard. "Looks like it's all in order. Follow me."

She led him down a long dark corridor and through seven gates, each one more elaborate than the last. Finally they came to a huge steel door the size of a football field.

"Okay," said Arwen, "This is a 'niceness test'. You need to make the door want to let you through. You have to be nice to it."

"But –" Frodo was confused.

But Arwen was already out of sight.

Frodo looked up and down the door. "Uh, please let me in?"

Nothing happened. He sighed and sat down on the floor. And waited.

He was no idea what to do. And it was ridiculous – a door? He was to be nice to a door? At this stage, it looked like he was never going to become an elfling. He kicked the door angrily and suddenly it opened! Frodo cheered. All was good.

But then he realised it didn't really open, it just opened its mouth to talk to him.

"How dare you kick me!" it yelled at him angrily. It had a squeaky voice like Bobo the clown.

"Bobo?" he asked tentatively.

"NO!" the door yelled, outraged. "It is I, Thranduil."

Frodo was shocked and horrified. "THRANDUIL?! But – but – why are you a door?"

"I'm… no… door…!"

"Well then what are you?"

"A door!"

"Ok…" Frodo was lost, and convinced that this elf 'lord' had gone mad.

"So…" Frodo said. "How do I get past you?"

The door seemed to shrug. "I dunno. Do I care?"

"Well frankly you should! Otherwise Arwen will – she will – turn you into a uni-cellular organism!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"SHUT UP!!! I'm trying to eat here!" Arwen's voice came out from somewhere.

"Fine," muttered Frodo. Suddenly, he had an idea. "Say, Thranduil, how would you like to get rid of Arwen once and for all?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Ok, this is what we need to do…"

_later_

Frodo yelled, "Arwen! Quick! Aragorn's drowning!"

He heard a laugh. "Yeah, as if, how can he be there? There's not even any water."

"Well… the 'tree' that the two of you adopted is drowning…"

"Oh no! the 'tree' is drowning!" Arwen ran through the Thranduil door and immediately tripped over his 'foot'. 

Frodo quickly ran over to her and bound her with his shoelace.

"Hey!" she cried, outraged.

"Sorry, but it's for your own good." Frodo nodded convincingly to her.

"Yeah, stay here for a while and it will get your ego down." Thranduil the door said.

Then, Arwen started crying.

"Arwen's crying!" Frodo flirted with Thranduil the door. It was a great pick-up line. Thranduil was turned on. 

"Aw…" Thranduil blushed. And he immediately turned back into his natural form: a pole!

_Well, that's just great_, Frodo thought, _I've been flirting with a pole!_

"I'd love to go home with you," said Thranduil the pole.

Frodo tried to edge away. 

"LET ME GO!!!" screamed Arwen.

"I'd love to go home with you too," said Thranduil.

"I want to go peeeee!!!!" yelled Frodo. Arwen and Thranduil screamed and rolled away from him as fast as they could. Frodo cackled.

Then he realised that he'd just blown any chance he had of becoming an elfling, it wasn't fair. He needed his wrapper. He couldn't live without it. So he stood up and dashed after Thranduil."

"Thrandy, wait! Can you turn me into an elfling?"

Thranduil grinned evilly. "Why on earth would you want that?"

So Frodo explained his situation to Thranduil, trying hard not to cry.

"Please could you help me? PLEASE?"

"Only if you…" Thranduil thought for a moment. "Only if you turn me into a fridge. I've always wanted to be a fridge… Then I'd have ice-blocks in me and an eerie light."

Frodo stared at him strangely. "Ok…"

"YAY!" Thranduil yelled. "Great, now follow me!" he led Frodo down a secret passageway, and into the magical changing hobbit into an elfling room.

"Wow!" exclaimed Frodo, eyes open wide in awe. "This place is so cool!"

"Yep!" Thranduil nodded happily. "So what do you say? Shall we go for it?"

"YEAH!"

"Ok, now, all you have to do is drink this ready-made potion." He handed Frodo a bottle of ink. Frodo drank it and poof! He transformed! But what did he transform into?

Uh-oh… His arms and legs had become glued to his sides. He was taller, paler…

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Frodo screamed. "I'm a fridge!!"

"Frodo, you look so SEXY!!!" Thranduil looked at him 'seductively'. 

First Frodo was a little afraid… Thranduil was looking at him weirdly… He wanted to become an elfling, not a fridge. But then, he looked at Thranduil and thought to himself, fridge, elfling, that's the difference?

So Thranduil, guessing what Frodo was thinking, flipped him onto his side and rolled him off into the sunset.

THE END

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another story! The ultimate ending of this series will be an Arwen story, and the next story will feature Gimli, and jellybeans…


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